Sunday, February 21, 2010

Best Tool Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For everyone reading this who needs a quick pick me up please follow these directions. Step 1. Find some ceramic tile in your house or someone elses house (if you do this be very sneaky)that you abhor. Step 2. Mosey on down to the tool rental department at Home Depot and Pick up a Demolition Hammer (this step is key to feeling good about yourself). Step 3. Return to the tile (if this isn't at your house, do not tell them I told you to do this!!!) and whisper something to the tile ( I chose, "Fredo, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?" Feel free to throw in any Godfather quote of your choice) let the ceramic know that it did something wrong to you personally and will be eternally sorry. Step 4. Throw on some clothes that a homeless person wouldn't dare be seen wearing. Step 5. Pull the trigger on this bad boy and let the demolition begin!!!!



So, to appreciate the power and glory of this tool it may help you to know that on Wednesday after work I spent 1.5 hours taking up half a tile with a hammer and a crowbar. To say it was demoralizing and emasculating fit the bill all to well. At that moment, the ceramic tile held the upper hand in the relationship and it let me know it. How you ask? Oh, it had its ways.

But the victory that it sensed was short-lived dear friends. Tyler, the protagonist of this lovely tale came out on top.



Seriously, this thing cost like $50 bucks a day to rent and it makes you feel awesome about your life. If psychologists knew about the power of this tool to change the way people feel about themselves, they'd know that their best days are behind them. Tara got down on this bad boy as well... ata girl. Wow, I love this woman!


Hello Friends,

Funny story (well to me) during my three hours of taking all this nasty ceramic up, I started yelling at the ceramic about how I was fully victorious and it was pathetically losing. Tara called me out in front of her parents that night about screaming at the tile. That's the equivalent to someone talking about you flexing in the mirror after the shower...just me...well of course. Anyway, I manned up to me verbal tirades while using this machine because I felt it was owed a proper tribute after our paths magically crossed.

Please, if anyone knows of a tool that has similar psychological benefits, I would love to know about it.

Good bye, dear friend (2/20/2010 8am - 2/20/2010 1pm). You lived an awesome albeit short time in our house.

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful house and what a fun project! I've found the most invaluable tool when it comes to home renovations is, well, my Dad! :) Tara, you could play the I'm-Your-Niece card and see if you can get him to come over! :)
    xoxo,
    Betsy

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